we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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