I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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