At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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