Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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