i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
