you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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