I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
