I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said her name was "party"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
