Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize