he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
