i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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