Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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