found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
