There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
