yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
