she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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