Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize