Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
