From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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