the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
