Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
