Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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