i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
