My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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