I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
