SEEEEXXX PLEASE
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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