ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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