i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
