I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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