I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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