Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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