Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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