i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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