My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
