You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
