I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
