I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
