hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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