I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
