its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
