Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
