you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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