He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
