I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just pee around me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize