ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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