My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
