like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
