Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
