sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
