that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
