I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
