he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
