My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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