I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
