im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize