so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
