She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
