dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
