I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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