grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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