Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
