I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
