Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
