My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
