i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
